After decades of sitting across the table from families in Franklin Lakes and throughout northern New Jersey, I’ve come to believe that the hardest part of retirement planning isn’t the math. It’s the living. Most of us carry a deep, often unspoken relationship with money, and it shows up most clearly in how we spend it. When I look at the clients we serve at Carson Wealth Franklin Lakes, I see two patterns again and again. I call them overliving and underliving.
Neither is a character flaw. Both come from a good place. And both, left alone, can keep people from the life they actually want.
Overliving: Spending Too Much, Too Soon in Retirement
Overliving clients are wonderful company. They are generous, adventurous, and determined to squeeze every drop out of life. The trip of a lifetime happens every year. The kitchen gets redone, then the house gets a pool. The grandkids get everything on the list.
I admire that energy. But overlivers often spend through their money faster than they realize, and in trying to maximize every moment today, they don’t leave enough for the moments that come later. Thirty years of retirement is a long time. Health care costs, a market downturn, or simply living longer than expected can turn a beautiful decade into a stressful one.
Our job isn’t to tell overlivers to stop living. It’s to help them figure out what truly matters. When we model their plan, we pull apart the spending line by line and ask: Which of these brings you real joy, and which is just habit? Almost always, a few things rise to the top. Maybe it’s the annual family trip, or helping a child with a first home. We protect those. The rest becomes a conversation, and often clients are relieved to discover that cutting what doesn’t matter costs them almost nothing in happiness while buying them years of security.
The goal is to make sure their best life is one they can sustain.
Wondering whether your spending is on track for the long haul? Schedule a conversation with our team and we’ll help you see what your plan can truly sustain.
Underliving: When You Can Afford It but Can’t Enjoy It
Then there are the underlivers, and I have a special soft spot for them.
These are clients who have done everything right. They saved diligently, lived below their means, and built real wealth. On paper, they are in fantastic shape. Yet they struggle to enjoy it. The vacation keeps getting postponed. The car is twenty years old and “still runs fine.” Every dollar spent feels like a dollar lost.
Often this comes from somewhere deep: parents who lived through hard times, a fear of being a burden, or simply years of discipline that became identity. Telling these clients “you can afford it” rarely works. They need to see it.
So we show them. In their plans, we intentionally model extra spending: a big trip every other year, a more comfortable lifestyle, annual gifts to children or grandchildren. Then we run the numbers and show the impact. More often than not, the plan barely flinches. Seeing that a two-week trip to Italy doesn’t change their long-term picture in any meaningful way gives them something no reassurance from me ever could: permission.
The Joy We Didn’t Expect
Some of the most joyful conversations I’ve ever had with clients have come after an underliver let themselves live a little. They tell me about watching their grandkids on a beach, or the look on their daughter’s face when they helped with a down payment. They light up in a way they never did talking about their portfolio balance.
It reminds me every time that money is a tool, not a scoreboard. The wealth they spent years building was always meant to do something. Seeing it finally do that, and seeing it ripple out to the people they love, is often the greatest return of all.
Have you been putting off a trip or a gift because you weren’t sure you could afford it? Let’s find out together. Reach out to our office and we’ll show you what your plan can support.
Finding Your Balance
Most of us lean one way or the other. The question I would encourage you to ask yourself is simple: Am I spending on what truly matters to me, and am I letting myself enjoy what I’ve built?
If you’re an overliver, the answer might be focusing your spending on the handful of things that bring you the most joy. If you’re an underliver, the answer might be booking the trip you’ve been talking about for ten years.
Either way, a good plan isn’t just about making sure you don’t run out of money. It’s about making sure you don’t run out of life before you’ve had the chance to live it.
That’s the balance we work toward with every family we serve, and it’s one of the most rewarding parts of what we do.
Work With a Financial Advisor in Franklin Lakes, NJ
- Schedule a meeting. Sit down with our team to review your spending and see what your plan can support. Book a time here.
- Already a client? Bring this up at your next review. We’ll model the spending that matters most to you, whether that means focusing your priorities or finally booking that trip.
- Know someone who needs this conversation? Share this article with them. We would be glad to help.
Carson Wealth Franklin Lakes helps individuals and families across Bergen County and northern New Jersey with retirement planning, tax planning, and wealth management. Reach out to us to get started. We would love to help you live the life you’ve worked so hard to build.
